I started this blog simply to keep everyone informed on Carson’s status cut and dry, and I will continue to do so, however Ive decided I wont leave it just as cut and dry. I will use this as a place to get my feelings out, when I feel the need. I figure if this blog can help one heart parent through a tough journey then it will be worth every press of every button on this keyboard. So bare with me.
This week I had my 37 week appointment. Today I am 37 weeks 5 days! EEK! Time has gone so quickly! It was just a routine appointment, pee in a cup, check weight, and blood pressure, and ultrasound. Everything is GREAT, blood pressure, weight, up 2 lbs since last week for a total of 8 lbs the whole pregnancy, and pee was good as far as I know. They check for protein in urine. The ultrasound was the best part, last week he was breech and they discussed that if he was still breech this week then we would schedule a c-section. Well this week he was head down! Yay Carson! So the plan is that I will be induced in the morning or evening of the 26th and plan to deliver on the 27th!
Thats only 10 days till induction day, and 11 till he is here! Oh my gosh! Do I really get to meet him in only 11 days? I cannot wait.
I feel so ready, I feel like Ive done everything I possibly can to get ready. Ive met with all the doctors, seen the NICU, the CTICU, talk to everyone I can possibly think of, and most of all Ive accepted this. It was hard, no one dreams of starting a family with a baby with a heart condition. No one expects to go to the doctor and get the news of a not ‘perfect’ baby. But now, to me he is perfect, he is perfect for me, and for whatever reason I have been chosen to be this little boys Mom and I am proud of that.
I was asked the other day, how would you react if when the baby was born it was a girl? My response was Id be devastated. Carson is my son, I am his mom, and regardless of if he is ‘here’ yet or not, he has been here, here with me, for the last 9 months and I am so very very attached to him. I dont feel like I could love him more, but I know I will when we get to meet.
Most of all, I know this journey is not going to be easy, but I know that I have done everything I can to get ready, to talk to everyone I could think of, to get all the best doctors lined up, now I just have one more week, and a few days. One more week until we start the real journey. I know its going to be tough, I know Im going to be emotional, I know I’ll feel weak at times, and strong at others, but most of all I feel ready. I feel ready for this fight, I feel ready to be there for my son and help walk him through this journey he was destined to have before birth. I know we will have some amazing family and amazing friends around that are going to be praying for him and sending him all their love. He will need it, and so will Nick and I. Its going to be tough, but its going to be worth it. Ive never been more focused on the positive in my life. This little boy has already changed me and he isn’t even here.