Breastfeeding/Pumping Struggles

Carson had gone through so much. He had open heart surgery at only 3 days old. He is so strong and so determined. Yet I find my self sitting here crying in frustration.

Ive always wanted to exclusively breastfeed my kids. I want that bond people talk about. I want him to be eating and reach up and grab my hand. I want to see his milk-drunk smile after he is done feeding from me NOT a bottle.

I feel so selfish, he has gone through enough. Every time I try to latch him (nipple-shield or not) he just screams the second he even sees my boob. I dont want to force him to do something he doesnt want to do. But pumping ISNT working. Im not getting near enough. He is eating 4 ounces and Im only getting 2-3. Every time I get out a bottle and fill it with water and a couple scoops of formula I want to cry. Today its finally hit me like a ton of bricks….I cannot get my emotions under control. All I want is for him to breast feed and he wont!

Ive called the La Lache League TWICE, and left a message both times. I have never heard back from them. To be honest Id like to call them and leave a nasty message. I want this so bad! Their organization is SUPPOSED to help people like me. I had so much determination, now I feel like giving up and I am not one to give up.

Ive been so strong through all of this, why is this breaking me? Im not giving up! I refuse! I had a lactation consultant come on Wednesday and she is coming again tomorrow. I really hope she can help us.


5 thoughts on “Breastfeeding/Pumping Struggles

  1. Piper

    {{hugs}} I’m so sorry the LLL in your area isn’t being helpful 😦

    I hope the LC can give you some help working to get Carson nursing. As far as supply goes, have you tried oatmeal? It naturally helps boost supply–steel cut or old fashioned work best but quick oats or instant can give a smaller boost if it is all you have. I also used fenugreek & blessed thistle when I was pumping with my first but I am not sure if those would be ok for a heart baby

    1. rheannaandnick Post author

      Thank you. I have not tried oatmeal. Ill get some. I have tried fenugreek and mothers milk tea. They dont seem to be working. We have been working with breastfeeding all day and I am proud to say that he took the breast at every feeding (after taking the bottle first). So tomorrows goal is to take the breast (hopefully only) if not then I hope I can get him to eat from the breast first and then take the bottle after if he needs it.

  2. Piper

    Fenugreek alone never helped me much but when I combined it with the blessed thistle and oatmeal, I did get a nice little bump. Another thing you might try is just before you pump and hen periodically while you pump, massage the breast in long slow firm strokes from top toward the nipple–it always helps me get a little extra flowing and out. Drinking lots of water helps, too! People always say thinking about your baby or looking at your baby helps but honestly, that always stressed me out because it reminded me how worried I was that I wouldn’t get enough–I read or surf the Internet and being distracted gets me more letdowns. Also, keep the pump going for a bit after the milk stops flowing. You may get another letdown but even if you don’t, the extra stimulation will signal your body that it needs to make more. Forgive me if I am repeating things you already know–I don’t respond well to pumping so I’ve had to pick up a few tricks to boost my output 🙂

    It is encouraging that he did nurse after his bottle! It is a good step 🙂

    1. rheannaandnick Post author

      Thank you so much for all your advice. Im definitely going to try oatmeal. Ill send Nick out to get some. Ive been massaging and it seems to work. Hopefully we can get away from pumping almost all together. Carson only had 2 formula bottles yesterday and usually he has 3-4. So that’s a start right there. He got really mad last night when we tried to breast feed but eventually latched so hopefully this post was the peek of this bump in the road. Thank you for all your support 🙂

  3. Piper

    Pumping for my oldest when I went back to work was rough :/ I did not produce well for the pump and it was such a struggle to get enough–there were days I was pumping half asleep at 3am trying to get just one more ounce to get us through the next day….it gets better and easier, though! My body eventually cooperated and I could get a decent amount 🙂 I stumbled through it on my own so if I can save you a little time figuring this stuff out, I’m all for it 😉

    It sounds like Carson is figuring it out 🙂 I hope his nursing continues to improve!


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