Somethings are Better Left Unknown

The surgeon came to talk to Nick and I yesterday. He had to give us all the information and then have us sign a consent form. 

Last time, when Carson was 2 days old Nick had to hear all the information alone, and sign the consent from by himself.

When the surgeon came in, he repeated the statistics of the last surgery and said how much more scary that one was compared to this one. I am so thankful to Nick for not telling me those statistics while we were in that situation. He is amazing to have that weight on his shoulders and not put it on mine as well.

Apparently last surgery 15% of babies dont make it through and then 20% more die within the year. HOLY CRAP!! I am paranoid enough already, thank god he didnt tell me that. 

This surgery, although it’s scary, is not as risky according to the surgeon. He didn’t give us statistics this time but said he LOVES doing the Glenn procedure. It doesn’t quite make sense to me right now, but basically they take the blood coming back from the head and shoulders and direct it straight to the lungs instead of the heart then the lungs.

Carson is in great spirits, and so are Nick and I. We are scared out of our minds, but know he is in good hands. 

I have been talking to Carson all week about surgery and how well he is going to do, and telling him that we will be there for him. 

This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life, but I am not negative. Really, I am more positive than ever. I know this is what he needs, and this is what is going to make him better.

It’s really a blessing in disguise. This surgery can buy us two years time. With the surgery that was supposed to happen he would have been a 1 and 1 half ventrical, which kind of changes the quality of life as far as sports and endurance goes. Now this surgery is going to buy us time, and it is likely that he will have a full repair and will have 2 solid ventricals, meaning he will be normal.

I am grateful that we have spent this week in the hospital. I was a mess after he got his echo, and we knew for sure he was facing surgery. It’s so scary, and so hard. But I have got to be in this amazing place with all of its amazing staff all week. All the doctors have been in and out all week talking to me, answering any and every questions I have. It has really put me at peace. I know he will be taken care of, this is just another chapter in Carson’s amazing journey.

You know, I don’t wish this on my worst enemy. I don’t ever want any parent to experience this fear, or heartache. I don’t ever want anyone to have to trust the surgeons to open up their child and work on their heart.

Sometimes I wish so badly that Carson was normal, that he didnt have to go through this. But he has taught me to not take anything for granted.  Every time I get to pick him up under his arms is a blessing, because we wont get to do that for 8 weeks after surgery. Tonight will be his last bath in the regular bathtub for a while, because he will need sponge baths till his incision is healed 100%. It really is the little things. 

This little boy has changed me. He has changed me for the better. I never knew how much I could love someone. I never knew the kindness and beauty in people. One of his nurses even offered to donate blood for him. He touches everyone heart who meets him. 

He amazes me everyday, he is so strong. 

I hate that we have to see how strong he really is, but I know he is going to kick this surgeries ass just like he did the other one. I cant wait to get to go home and be a family again, but until then I will be here, by his side loving him through this. 

Love is a powerful drug and he has got me higher than I have ever been!

Please keep him in your thoughts and prayers!

I will update as soon as I can. 




3 thoughts on “Somethings are Better Left Unknown

  1. Diana (everafter)

    Rheanna, Carson, you and Nick will be in my thoughts and prayers ❤ !!!

    He's a little fighter and going to grow up healthy…..I just KNOW it !!!!

    Hugs and kisses to this GORGEOUS little boy of yours ❤ ❤ ❤ !!!


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